A Theologian Considers the Consequence REV 11-25-12

[Leanne]

I'm just going to address the revision today, Todd. I must say, I loved every bit of it -- the concept is wonderful and appeals to every nerdy little fibre of my being

A Theologian Considers the Consequence of Relativity on a God Who Is Light

Revision

You flung stars like fireflies
to burn holes into night’s hunger,
 -- have you considered putting "to" up on this line?
to ignite the shine of galaxies;

dust infused with the brilliance
of Your image.



You, the cloudless day— -- maybe a full stop would work better here
clouds now forgotten, a judgment
beyond remembrance, as the water
that rose. The ocean does not inhabit
the shell, but each one still speaks -- I'd take out "one"
in bloodless whispers
of the drowned lisping -- lovely ambiguity on the verb, a great use of enjambment (and nice assonance too)
toward that final day

when all shall be put to rest
beneath that Tree
brought into uniform motion
with Your presence.



Our fall,

a sacrifice of light

speed, darkness the event

horizon that made You appear

to slow down.

 -- I love your interweaving of science and religion, which is especially obvious in this strophe

The days become millennia.
 -- is "become" the best word? I'm thinking something like "the days melt into millenia"
Still You retreat

trapped between

our seconds.



We long to resynchronize
 -- were we ever synchronized in the first place?
with the limitless.

The sheen on our eyes shifts

to speed past the horn’s crystal

blast for sound only came first, once.

 -- these lines took a couple of reads for me to get the subject, so I think a little clarification might help here, with emphasis on "for sound only came first, once"

Our mistake was to believe

that eternity is endless

days, rather than

immutable velocity.



A small side note: "judgment" is the correct spelling in both the UK and the US when used in a legal sense (and I'm going to give God the benefit of being a bit of a lawmaker). In British spelling, "judgement" is really only used for things like "use your own judgement" -- and without the "e" is acceptable as well.