11-23-2012, 10:55 PM
I quite like this. There's a few places where I trip up
For love has much urgent need;
but listen my love, I plead. Dark nights - I think if you remove "much" and "love" from 2nd line it reads better.
upon her lovers breast - a syllable short and it shows
for her true love and mate - full stop?
For first love, tho’ truly great, will fade, - I'd omit "for".
Be nice to end on "until it is fully pleased".
For love has much urgent need;
but listen my love, I plead. Dark nights - I think if you remove "much" and "love" from 2nd line it reads better.
upon her lovers breast - a syllable short and it shows
for her true love and mate - full stop?
For first love, tho’ truly great, will fade, - I'd omit "for".
Be nice to end on "until it is fully pleased".
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.