A luc Bat

[billy]

sorry cidermaid. i forgot to come back but i did look up the form
the consensus seems to be a 6/8 alternating syllable line form starting with the 6 syllable line first and ending with 8 syllable line. the rhyme scheme seems to be abbccddee.....and ending with an a rhyme. i have no clue really so i'll work off that the meter feels off in places. i've italicised where.
i like the first line and it's meter so i see no reason why you can't have a different alternating rhythm of 7 and 8 or 7 and 9. the end rhymes work well
the word use also works really well and i have no problems with an abundance of love. it has that cloying feel of a Shakespearian love kind of thing and it's a solid effort.
i think with the syllable count sorted out this would be a great effort.

thanks for the read.

A caution to love.

Graze thee well O gentle soul, great opening.
Eat words taken from this scroll - take heed
For love has much urgent need;
but listen my love, I plead.
when first love fights and bites….
…take not to heart the slight. For love,
a she lion, a turtledove;
tho’ crowned and found above, must rest this line flows like silk
upon her lovers breast
and wait there, for the best is yet
to come. Desire well met,
the soul aroused and set, will wait this creates a good image.
for her true love and mate
For first love, tho’ truly great, will fade,
will flee into the shade;
no longer graze the glade. So know
this truth, that love must grow
And sacrificially flow, before i like how it works without the comma though either way works.
she opens up the door and leaves; from here on the meter feels reversed, with some not fitting the 6 or 8 syl meter.
so let desire thus cleave
until it is fully pleased. Attested
by a soul well rested
and then fully arrested - made whole.