Yvonne

[billy]

A funky chicken fresh as air
and not in all the world a care
“Come on, let’s go and we’ll get high
on double scotch and half of dry!”
“Come on, let’s go and freak it out
up town around and all about!”

Her cheeky grin and laughing eyes
and fetching ways that tantalise
Her charms cannot be overstated an extra foot here
A zest for life that’s rarely sated
With her feminine devices
she entrances and entices

Yet these charms may quickly falter
Unannounced, her mood will alter
So cherish well that frame of mind
that finds her loving, sweet and kind
Cherish well before it’s gone ...
Instead a strange and sad Yvonne. this line feels a bit off , i can't explain it but it pulled me up short.

What then goes on so deep inside
that changes Jeckell into Hyde?
Transforms so fun a disposition
into a moody sad condition?
Cherish well the frame of mind
that finds her loving, sweet and kind

all in all good meter good end rhymes and a good content. the thing flies along apart from a couple of places. the repetitions felt fine, and i really enjoyed it

thanks for the read.