The Battle Of Love

[billy]

hi mreds, i'd suggest posting in mild critiqiue for a while as the feedback isn't as heavy.

First of all sorry for the eyesore. Second. Thank you to everyone who helps me on fixing this up.

A love that was never meant to be, a first line cliche is a waste of a first line unless it' sets us up for something extra special.
Flourished into a love that shall never cease,
Such as that of the moon and sea, i like this line, the image of the moon pulling at the sea is solid though a little cliche but here it's okay because it does work well.
Found in a dark place,
Only to take my darkness away,
I never expected to fall - only to be caught, cliche
Never expected to be lost - only to be found,cliche
It's as if I'm living in a dream,cliche
I never want to be awoken,
Life is now so surreal and so serene, try to use as least words as the lines needs, some need lots of words, this and many others do not.
A love where my heart feels comfort for once,
It makes my heart dance and sing, really well used cliche
Even when there is heart aches and trouble, and again
This love gives me strength for the future and hope in life, remove anything excess.
I pray to what I do not know nor understand in fear of losing this love,
Whether this be of human devices or God above,
The one thing I do know,
My problems I will overcome,
Love cannot be seen nor heard but can be felt deep in the soul,
A feeling so soothing my worries no longer beat my morale down,
No matter life's issues this love will carry me from sunset to sunset,
From breath to breath,
From life to death,
I rejoice in knowing I have the greatest love of all,
I'll never let this true love burn out like the flame of a candle,
It's an eternal flame that keeps my heart warm,
Let this love last forever,
Or from my chest let my heart be torn,
I vow to protect this love with my life,
After all my life it's become,
I shall never find such a treasure again,
So if it shall end,
My desire shall too,
My heart will again be in despair,
A feeling I never again wish to feel,
This treasure of mine will continue to be guarded day and night,
After all a fight for love is the greatest of all fights,
So i shall be deemed a protector,
A guardian of love,
A warrior of passion,
Let thy enemies come,
So shall too the sounds of swords and shields clashing,
Battle after battle is won on the battlefield of love,
Conqueror of heart and soul is love,
So let the war rage on,
A war with no end,
I've vowed my life to this cause - so I pray,
Let me die on the battlefield as a defender,
I shall die happy,
A worthy death it will be,
After all - Life without this love is not worth living,
So death to this love is worth giving

i stopped because the last thing i want to do is look over bearing, the poem needs to be cut back by a lot, any excess wordage needs to be removed, and as many cliches as possible need to be removed or changed to something original.

thanks for the read,