11-21-2012, 11:14 AM
Mark, this is original, and so passes my test. I normally like absolute clarity, but these tangential lines you have, produce a mood, which is unsayable. I am also attracted by fragments -of memory, of present perception, of a person breaking up, and there are fragments here, of the sort one has when recalling something, and other, unwanted stuff crowds in.
As for the break. line high-lighted by Miss, I had the impression that you first were going to have 'break the mould' but then changed your mind or forgot, and stuck in the full-stop, and carried on, using 'mould' in the other sense. In brief, yes, it needs fixing.
As for the break. line high-lighted by Miss, I had the impression that you first were going to have 'break the mould' but then changed your mind or forgot, and stuck in the full-stop, and carried on, using 'mould' in the other sense. In brief, yes, it needs fixing.