The Battle Of Love

[heslopian]

First of all sorry for the eyesore. Second. Thank you to everyone who helps me on fixing this up.

A love that was never meant to be,
Flourished into a love that shall never cease,
Such as that of the moon and sea,
Found in a dark place,
Only to take my darkness away,
I never expected to fall - only to be caught,
Never expected to be lost - only to be found,
It's as if I'm living in a dream,
I never want to be awoken,
Life is now so surreal and so serene, Everything up until this line has real beauty and charm. It isn't earth shattering, but it is deeply effective.
A love where my heart feels comfort for once,
It makes my heart dance and sing,
Even when there is heart aches and trouble,
This love gives me strength for the future and hope in life,
I pray to what I do not know nor understand in fear of losing this love,
Whether this be of human devices or God above,
The one thing I do know,
My problems I will overcome,
Love cannot be seen nor heard but can be felt deep in the soul,
A feeling so soothing my worries no longer beat my morale down,
No matter life's issues this love will carry me from sunset to sunset,
From breath to breath,
From life to death,
I rejoice in knowing I have the greatest love of all,
I'll never let this true love burn out like the flame of a candle,
It's an eternal flame that keeps my heart warm,
Let this love last forever,
Or from my chest let my heart be torn,
I vow to protect this love with my life,
After all my life it's become,
I shall never find such a treasure again,
So if it shall end,
My desire shall too,
My heart will again be in despair,
A feeling I never again wish to feel,
This treasure of mine will continue to be guarded day and night,
After all a fight for love is the greatest of all fights,
So i shall be deemed a protector,
A guardian of love,
A warrior of passion,
Let thy enemies come,
So shall too the sounds of swords and shields clashing,
Battle after battle is won on the battlefield of love,
Conqueror of heart and soul is love,
So let the war rage on,
A war with no end,
I've vowed my life to this cause - so I pray,
Let me die on the battlefield as a defender,
I shall die happy,
A worthy death it will be,
After all - Life without this love is not worth living,
So death to this love is worth giving

The poem, in my opinion, is much too long. More than half of it could be removed without changing the overall effect. To be honest I think it could end perfectly after "so surreal and so serene". Though I felt liked I'd read this kind of poem many times before everything until then, as I said above, has a real quality to it. After that the poem starts falling into monomania. It's my belief that a poem this long needs a narrative, things happening. As it is it's mostly just metaphors all leading back to the same point. All my critique is, of course, JMHO (Just My Humble Opinion), and thanks very much for the read