11-20-2012, 11:26 AM
Hey Art!
for me, the opening two lines almost are distracting. "Funky chicken" grabs attention, but not in a pleasant way for me. Starting with the quotations perhaps begins your action sooner; maybe the characters could be introduced after the quotations, or while they are being said?
besides that, it was a fun read that felt well-structured with some great repetitions of ideas. i think it's relatable, realistic, and understandable, which I think are great things to have in a piece
for me, the opening two lines almost are distracting. "Funky chicken" grabs attention, but not in a pleasant way for me. Starting with the quotations perhaps begins your action sooner; maybe the characters could be introduced after the quotations, or while they are being said?
besides that, it was a fun read that felt well-structured with some great repetitions of ideas. i think it's relatable, realistic, and understandable, which I think are great things to have in a piece
Written only for you to consider.