11-19-2012, 04:17 PM
wow, it feels like a lot of thought and insight went into this. I was incredibly saddened and moved as I read the unending tale of degredation. I know i have read many other such accounts but you have captured it well in your expressions and sentiments.
As a poem some of the longer lines felt clunky and awkward to read and perhaps rowens has a good point in the notes he makes about placing some steadying rhymes.
Also perhaps you could consider using the seasons or ages of his life to break the poem down into some stanzas, but having said that I liked the seanse of unending flow of crapness that having it as one block conveyed...so only an odd thought more than a opinion.
Thanks for the read.
As a poem some of the longer lines felt clunky and awkward to read and perhaps rowens has a good point in the notes he makes about placing some steadying rhymes.
Also perhaps you could consider using the seasons or ages of his life to break the poem down into some stanzas, but having said that I liked the seanse of unending flow of crapness that having it as one block conveyed...so only an odd thought more than a opinion.
Thanks for the read.