11-19-2012, 05:43 AM
Hello. You may not be "in the poem anymore" but poetry isn't just about emotions, it's mostly about words. Might be a useful exercise to pare this down to its essentials. I do feel it protests too much as it is. For example
dangling me over this wailing bottomless pit
sucking me forcefully into its vacuum of eternally lost souls.
There are several instances that are similarly overblown.
dangling me over this wailing bottomless pit
sucking me forcefully into its vacuum of eternally lost souls.
There are several instances that are similarly overblown.
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.