If

[Leanne]

Hi Rose... a few thoughts, though it's difficult to critique something so personal... if you're happy to remove yourself from the poem and look at it as just another piece of writing, I think this could end up a great poem.

If

if somebody loved me
i know i would not cling to You
so unrelentingly
as these, writhing limbs of the cursed, -- you could probably do without "these"
tighten their grip
constricting wrathfully 'round my ankles
dragging me off with them
to eternal hellfire and damnation. -- I'd suggest either hellfire OR damnation -- both together is... wait for it... cliche

if somebody loved me -- the plaintive repetition of this line is very effective
i know i would not clutch so desperately
onto Your shoestrings -- just "to" instead of "onto", I think
fraying threads
dangling me over this wailing bottomless pit
sucking me forcefully into its vacuum of eternally lost souls. -- these two lines, though they contain good imagery, are very wordy and the impact is being lost.

if somebody loved me
i know i would not grasp so frantically at Your heels
in futile attempts to save myself
from the fright of my living death
as i sink into my inescapable oblivion -- a bit emo here... I'm not sure this line is actually required
momentarily pulling You with me
down beneath the line of sanity.

if somebody loved me
i could release my bleeding fists
too severely rapt in anguish
freeing You
laying to rest at long last -- I don't think "at long last" adds anything
my abused heart
in a healing
bed of love

if. -- what a quiet little word -- a powerful ending