An Unannounced Inspection

[penguin]

and the royalty in for questions, prepared
for Special Measures. The Household Cavalry
shake and spray in all the well-known corners
while they watch the kettles boil until seconded
overseas to bugger those who wished a burkha
made Her Highness less familiar.

Miss Camilla has been cautioned for frightening
the corgis and the treasurer’s been caught
with his arms down foreign trousers.
Prince Phil must pull his finger out in Art
and Social Science or face endless
cocktail parties in the land of Bongo-Bongo.

There are murmurs of tomatoes selling memoirs
to the red tops and people in glass houses
throwing stones at modern buildings.
Her Majesty's not responding to the calls
for her retirement or the bevy
of bookmakers at the portcullis.

The lads are worried. The stag night capers
have been captured and the video’s gone viral,
starring Bosnians, Bulgarians, champers
and black stockings. The Civil List arouses
both nausea and nostalgia. But never
in equal measure: we are not in this together.