11-13-2012, 05:47 AM
Thanks, Philatone.
We reel ‘em in with Ritalin,
(Big Pharma pockets the profit)
Viagra and the Vitamin –
it gets so hard to come off it.....tiny note: is "it" the right word at the end? shouldn't it be plural?
I think I can get away with that - it/the drug.
In theatre critical poses
are struck at an unwilling heart;
before the final curtain closes
you’ll need permission to depart. ...this felt a bit forced to me
The wording feels forced or the argument. Do Not Resuscitate.
I take your point about the isolation of the verses but that don't worry me so much. It's a poem whose high moral tone makes even me wince a bit!
We reel ‘em in with Ritalin,
(Big Pharma pockets the profit)
Viagra and the Vitamin –
it gets so hard to come off it.....tiny note: is "it" the right word at the end? shouldn't it be plural?
I think I can get away with that - it/the drug.
In theatre critical poses
are struck at an unwilling heart;
before the final curtain closes
you’ll need permission to depart. ...this felt a bit forced to me
The wording feels forced or the argument. Do Not Resuscitate.
I take your point about the isolation of the verses but that don't worry me so much. It's a poem whose high moral tone makes even me wince a bit!
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.