first attempt at a sonnet

[Leanne]

Hello there cidermaid! There's a lot to like here in your first sonnet, so let's look at smoothing out some of the bumps and wrinkles.

Can love be captured, penned, be tamed and trained? -- This is a strong opening idea. Though I can force this line into iambic pentameter, it doesn't do justice to the sounds when I do and seems rushed. My suggestion would be: "Can love be penned and captured, tamed and trained?"
A Song of Songs! To whom belonged this piece? -- lovely assonance
For graced this song the sages, and much was gained. -- the inverted syntax doesn't help here, and indeed it spoils the meter. What about "The sages graced this song, and much was gained"?
Thus remiss them so kissed. Love lost, without peace -- I don't think "remiss" is the best word here, but I'm lost for alternatives at the moment.
to roam, if ever such a kiss would be dismissed. -- the assonance is again very effective, and the sibilants carry through these lines like whispers. However, you have an extra foot in this line, which could be fixed by just taking out "ever"
An alter stone, such heart would scarce be fitted, -- sp. altar
to grace the words of love thus tamed amiss. -- you've used "tamed" before, but it works again here -- not so "grace", I think that's one repetition too far
So dust to dust a heart is lost; uncommited. -- again an extra foot -- "uncommitted" gives you an extra syllable but it's a feminine ending like "fitted", so that's no problem, if you take out "is" it's fixed
But love his word has spoken true. He calls, -- many loves in this poem -- I know it's a big theme but I would try and revise it out of this line in particular, as this seems a bit of a filler
unchanged from age to age, his love, his 'dove'
to "come my beautiful one...(the curtain falls). -- one syllable too many -- would you consider "beauteous" instead? That can be elided to just two syllables and is less of a strain on the meter.
For you I die. My life, a gift my love".
Thus speaks the word on tablets plain. Alas delayed. -- extra foot! Maybe "These words on tablets plain. Alas delayed"
But wait, he comes! Your love is here this day.

It probably looks like a lot of correcting, but these are all small things. Overall you have a good ear for meter and sonics -- the detail will come with practise. Thanks very much for posting