11-08-2012, 08:07 AM
the bones of a good poem are evident but they're buried beneath the steel cage and the nailbiting blood
Exuding wounds from my biting, just this one line takes away 75% of the poems value. it feels weak, it feel very cutty, and the bite word is a repetition that doesn't help. remove anything at all that isn't needed, things like:
my plea.
the idea you have of being caught in a trap is well thought out. the last three lines worke really well because of it but area's of the poem feel a bit too glib.
Exuding wounds from my biting, just this one line takes away 75% of the poems value. it feels weak, it feel very cutty, and the bite word is a repetition that doesn't help. remove anything at all that isn't needed, things like:
my plea.
the idea you have of being caught in a trap is well thought out. the last three lines worke really well because of it but area's of the poem feel a bit too glib.