Diagnostic Terms (revision)

[billy]

Diagnostic Terms

for Amy i know it's arny but it reads like amy

I felt like a doctor growing up.
My increasing vocabulary was written
on their charts, and displayed in the body i like this line, it gives substance straight away
of my brother. They spoke good enjambment
in clipped, nasal tones as if reading
lines for some television drama-- would it be better to name a drama, (emergency ward 10 or something else)
with a clinical distance I could never manage.

Hypotonia (meant low muscle tone, that) he struggled
to get out of bed each morning, (that he) struggled
to lift a tissue to his nose. i think the bracketed takes something away. would Hypotonia:

Degenerative meant we shouldn't be paying them. this feels like an angry line
He went to the doctor to get worse. as does this, they give depth to the piece
A human science project of weak legs
with metal braces, and weak lungs not sure the 2nd weak works well enough, i also wound if weak legs is redundant because of legs braces.
with ventilators. It was irrational
but I thought of them as mad scientists
I kept waiting for the table to rise to the ceiling this line implants a strong image.
and for him to ride the lightning back to life.

Cardiomyopathy meant that even the heart again, would Cardiomyopathy: even the heart...work better
is a muscle that doesn't care
how determined you are. when something like that hits you you have no control over it. nicely stated.

These words have lodged in my throat
like marbles. I can't speak them,
and I no longer know
what they mean.

A life weighs more than bones and skin,
and two years is not enough time
to say goodbye. very poignant end

lot's to like about the poem todd, all the above are just nitty suggestions for you to think about. the read stirs some emotions and on that level works really well at getting across a feeling of great loss.

thanks for the read.