10-25-2012, 01:31 PM
Oh dear Billy - I replied to your poem and mucked it up again...so I'll try doing it quickly, down here where I can't get into trouble...first stanza I wondered if you swapped 2nd and 3rd lines around would it read more smoothly?
I'm not keen on the way you ended the 1st stanza with a period and started the 2nd with a capital letter - makes it a fragment, and halts the flow. (same with that single final line).
I like the sounds in your poem, read aloud. I had a little trouble with corn as a symbol of hunger and drought though. That final image, of a child's book open and abandoned, sums up the poem beautifully.
Thank you for the read, and I'll try to watch carefully where I click next time.
I'm not keen on the way you ended the 1st stanza with a period and started the 2nd with a capital letter - makes it a fragment, and halts the flow. (same with that single final line).
I like the sounds in your poem, read aloud. I had a little trouble with corn as a symbol of hunger and drought though. That final image, of a child's book open and abandoned, sums up the poem beautifully.
Thank you for the read, and I'll try to watch carefully where I click next time.