Barren

[Philatone]

billy!

The fields once fecund
shoulder cloaks of drought.
now grow hunger....though the sound was pleasant, i felt the period in the line before could have been a comma or semi-colon and the "now" was excess

The loam enticed away
by waspish dust devils....i think an active voice would make it even stronger, but if you want to focus on the loam I understand

Yellow corn and African violets
dress the last sun-bleached page
of a children’s book.

All that’s left. ...not entirely sure how i feel on this conclusion just yet, separated by being its own 'sentence', line, and stanza...

---

a first edit.
thanks to addy and co for their feedback.

Original;

The fields, once fercund
shoulder their dusty cloaks of drought.
now they grow hunger .

The loam enticed away
seduced by dancing dust devils


Yellow corn and African violets
dress the last sun-bleached page
of a children’s book.
All that’s left

nice imagery. if anything, i'm left with wondering what else is happening beneath the piece and wanting a bit more. Drawing out this "hunger" of the fields, this sense of longing, and maybe personifying it (describing more how the "dust devils" tease it and such) could add some more meat to the backbone you have here. just a thought