10-20-2012, 07:04 AM
I love this! Great sounds, wonderful imagery - in particular 'raspberry breeze' - and somehow, without even saying it, you made me see a bubble burst in my palm. I also like the movement on your poem - from lips into a breeze over gardens, and back to close focus. Thank you for the read.
Maybe you could make it 'from spittle-chased lips I slipped;' as the comma makes a pause in the line that holds up my reading.
Maybe you could make it 'from spittle-chased lips I slipped;' as the comma makes a pause in the line that holds up my reading.