10-18-2012, 02:40 AM
I love this subject and I love a lot of the ideas, but I have to say that I'm not in love with the style. The road to hell and opening like a flower are both somewhat cliched phrases and there is very little suspense or surprise in this poem. Right now it reads like a poetically stated analysis rather than a poem.
Specificity is the key to unlocking this poem. What does the disfigurement look like? If it's several examples, then give me several examples. Feel free to be as bloody and unpleasant as possible. And then repeat that but with the heart and then with his psyche/identity. Or you could run contrasting images - delving into the beauty of a flower and the hideousness of the villain... you can follow the flower to a patch of nature imagery. Wherever you decide to go, describe it vividly. Don't think about avoiding cliches, think about how you can describe the EXACT image in your head.
Specificity is the key to unlocking this poem. What does the disfigurement look like? If it's several examples, then give me several examples. Feel free to be as bloody and unpleasant as possible. And then repeat that but with the heart and then with his psyche/identity. Or you could run contrasting images - delving into the beauty of a flower and the hideousness of the villain... you can follow the flower to a patch of nature imagery. Wherever you decide to go, describe it vividly. Don't think about avoiding cliches, think about how you can describe the EXACT image in your head.