10-16-2012, 09:41 AM
"just" can easily become filler as well.
perhaps this is just an issue i have. my work around would probably be something like:
"Come in, take your hat off,
hang your ________ coat to dry" with an adjective to describe the coat in there. the adjective would also give a another layer to the sense of atmosphere in the piece (e.g., "soaking" coat would emphasize the weather like "dry" does; "heavy coat" could show winter, the way your other lines suggest as well).
just a suggestion, and one you could use for all the lines with the coat. the "yes" is a bit harder to work with..
perhaps this is just an issue i have. my work around would probably be something like:
"Come in, take your hat off,
hang your ________ coat to dry" with an adjective to describe the coat in there. the adjective would also give a another layer to the sense of atmosphere in the piece (e.g., "soaking" coat would emphasize the weather like "dry" does; "heavy coat" could show winter, the way your other lines suggest as well).
just a suggestion, and one you could use for all the lines with the coat. the "yes" is a bit harder to work with..
Written only for you to consider.