Bar stand

[Todd]

Hi Lottie,

I like how you open with Hope-less. It's clever and works well on the line. I wish that I got more of that wordplay on the other hyphenated choices (flash/Kodak smile, paper-thin). I think you need to play with the interactions with those others to keep the level of interest high.

Hope - less romantic,
more desperate.
The distance between
love and sensation bridged
only by a G&T mile.--you may be able to cut only

Flash- your Kodak smile,
A well placed wink,
her paper-thin, scrapbook skin--scrapbook skin is interesting. You could develop that more. It could imply on the physical level tattoos, on the emotional level that she carries a lot of past baggage
is all yours.

The rest left for the devils
that crowd her shoulders,
pick and caw at her carrion heart.

It still feels like love,
or else,
the closest she will ever get.

It's a nice start. Enhancing those hope-less interactions throughout would be my initial advice.

Best,

Todd