10-14-2012, 04:58 PM
Mirror, mirror on the wall-
Who is the most untouchable
And cushioned from fall?
'Cause bees and ants don't matter.
I need the Chinamen in check,
Four metal doors for the gold bricks
And cryogenics, is all.
Don't worry about defeated humane-ity,
My mirrored friend- nor the water;
Nor the fish-fleas nor the excuses
Drawn for embezzlement of the poor.
'Cause the world's for the strong,
Why- whoever can stomach it!
It's always been this way, mirror-
Of this I'm vehemently sure.
--
all criticism welcome
I'm trying to think of this as I would read a fairytale- it seems to help. I'm not sure but I *think* this particular "mirror mirror" framework is making it easier to read? How would I go about doing this without it?
On reading this a couple of times I realize I should try to be more poetic using some imagery? I know this is a weak area, but what about other areas?
Tried to make it bounce quite well. I am really happy with that last verse and what it means to me. It feels perfect for tying it up.
Who is the most untouchable
And cushioned from fall?
'Cause bees and ants don't matter.
I need the Chinamen in check,
Four metal doors for the gold bricks
And cryogenics, is all.
Don't worry about defeated humane-ity,
My mirrored friend- nor the water;
Nor the fish-fleas nor the excuses
Drawn for embezzlement of the poor.
'Cause the world's for the strong,
Why- whoever can stomach it!
It's always been this way, mirror-
Of this I'm vehemently sure.
--
all criticism welcome
I'm trying to think of this as I would read a fairytale- it seems to help. I'm not sure but I *think* this particular "mirror mirror" framework is making it easier to read? How would I go about doing this without it?
On reading this a couple of times I realize I should try to be more poetic using some imagery? I know this is a weak area, but what about other areas?
Tried to make it bounce quite well. I am really happy with that last verse and what it means to me. It feels perfect for tying it up.