10-13-2012, 06:28 PM
I agree, quite a poignant ending and an effective poem. However, you've posted for a serious critique so I shall try and deliver 

(10-13-2012, 07:45 AM)Philatone Wrote: The recipe has gone missing,This is a good poem, with a few tweaks it could be great. Some of the images are really fantastic. My last nit pick is the phrase 'the taste of your absence' that precludes the wonderful image of the capsized cobbler. I know what you're trying to say, and it's very nearly almost there but at the same time there is something missing. I want more, how the ingredients used were too heavy, like her absence, over powering the food with sorrow. I know I'm rambling but I hope that makes sense!
the loose-leaf your pen flowered
with ink lace. The taste of your absence 'Ink lace' on the face of it is a nice image, but then when I think about it more I can't actually imagine it. It seems like a bit of an overcooked, over literary metaphor that doesn't have a tangible image attached. While it sounds pretty for me it does nothing. Also, the use of 'the' repeatedly is a tiny bit clunky. You have 'the recipe', 'the loose-leaf' and 'the taste' all following one another.
capsized the cobbler, sinking it
into layers of tissues and peach
peels in the garbage, I love this image! Especially the capsized cobbler. Very good.
the lost words hanging,
voiceless as laughter in a frame.
