10-08-2012, 02:24 PM
What I was trying to do in the first stanza was present a hermetic experience. And the logic of the lines, as I see it, is I'm an egg, dressed in a carton, living in a cold language. Leading to the next part, where I was packing in all those heavy words that are weighing on the 'parachute of my plight', and I'd hoped that the last two lines of that stanza would give the reader a feeling of relief after all that. In the next stanza, you find me trapped in my dialect. "A little bit" is so commonly said around here, you hear it everyday: and I can't say the word "fellow" without it sounding forced. And I was alluding to multiple men, so that 'most' are many that have the 'relflex' to have sex once then go to the next partner: so that's why I used the singular, though I'm not sure if it works. To skip the boring parts, I was saying that my crying was my heart farting, that I couldn't help it. The 'fiends' are other sex partners that come and go so rapidly; "the rapid fissure of your part"... I didn't want to have to say 'pussy-fart', or something like that. Then I was referring to an idea of a holy, intimate partnership, in all its sacred and crude elements. And basically feeling betrayed. I need to fix 'shudder', I had the 'sputters' of earlier still in mind. I guess I don't shudder very often. Thanks for your thoughts. I'm a stubborn writer.
I try to give poems 'movements' like in music. The symbol of the 'egg' evokes a private universe, since the speaker feels abandoned. And the movements are compressed in the poem, as in a private universe; with various tones and effects. I like to use techniques of effect, like going from elegant to crude, verbose to plain-spoken, personal to impersonal. Here, I'm trapped in somewhat hermetic language, and I want the love in it to be warm, and I hope the person I'm speaking to will give it lots of attention, 'paramount inquisitions', like when they fall in love with every fleeting partner. But since those multiple lovers leave me cold, I'm left speaking out of that egg-shell, in the private language.
I try to give poems 'movements' like in music. The symbol of the 'egg' evokes a private universe, since the speaker feels abandoned. And the movements are compressed in the poem, as in a private universe; with various tones and effects. I like to use techniques of effect, like going from elegant to crude, verbose to plain-spoken, personal to impersonal. Here, I'm trapped in somewhat hermetic language, and I want the love in it to be warm, and I hope the person I'm speaking to will give it lots of attention, 'paramount inquisitions', like when they fall in love with every fleeting partner. But since those multiple lovers leave me cold, I'm left speaking out of that egg-shell, in the private language.