Unwritten (First post, a warm hello!)

[Leanne]

Hi nightshade, and welcome! Serious critique doesn't necessarily mean harsh, but it's going to be more thorough than in most other places, so strap yourself in

Unwritten

Unwritten is this poem
Until that final verse be spoke.
Unwritten is this life
Until the punch line tells the joke. -- I actually like this opening. It feels quite a bit like the start of a Greek play, with the chorus setting the scene. There are a couple of problems that are fairly common missteps until you find a stronger, more confident voice, such as "be spoke" -- this is inverted syntax, which a lot of people think of as being "poetic" because it's common in classic poems, but grammar's changed a fair bit since Shakespeare's day . It's often best to try to fit the rhymes to your poem, not your poem to the rhymes, so that it seems like you're in control. For example, you could just say "is spoke" and it's more natural (despite not being perfectly great grammar!)

Unwritten, just like you today
Rising to the morn.
To be written are all the things we say
Words never to be born. -- same sort of problems here -- this is very convoluted so the reader is not quite sure exactly how to follow what you've written. We're simple creatures, remember! Make your themes complex, not your grammar

When creation rises to the task
And displays its grandiose -- grandiose what?
When beauty flows from fingertips
In thickness most verbose
What void exists within this space
What once appeared morose -- that once appeared, maybe?
Uptakes humanities flowered gems -- humanity's
To destroy the sloths pathos -- sloth's -- but what on earth are you on about? The"flowered gems" symbol might mean something personal to you, but it's very obscure without some kind of key for the reader.
To fill it now with things unreal
New ideas which would engross
And inspire the children of our years
And rise from comatose.

Slowly now the pages turn
And written now you are -- more Yodaspeak
For another chapter be
Engraved in your memoir
Yet here you rise again anew
And through distant eyes afar
You will perceive the world today
Your perspective now ajar
Open up these eyes and see
Embrace new and bizarre
For life regains its will to be
At the dawning of our star.

Flowered gems, the work of man -- again the flowered gems, but there's no real indication of what you mean -- presumably you're talking about works of art but where's the connection?
The toil of skilled hands
Bring unto us the world we see
Contorted by commands
The passion that augments our work
The emotion which withstands
Is what drives our creative side
To take fragmented strands
And polish them with time and care
And procure art that expands
The passion of those who wish to stop
And witness our hearts demands.

And so with that, the artisan
Has dragged the pen with ink
And scrawled upon reality
The perspectives he can think
And shared these thoughts with others
So that they may join the link -- I definitely understand the drive and desire to do this
Writing in what had been empty
The unwritten pushed to the brink
What purpose then is there to life
If not to share the sync
Of humanities worldviews reflected
In song and dance and drink. -- amen to that, and cheers!

But flowered gems, anew and true
And beautiful while they last
Find their beauty locked in time
When death brings them to the past
For everything is doomed to die
Lets have this truth unmasked
Only in death will we ever see
That beautiful things die fast.

And so what had been come to writ -- more convoluted grammar
Now falls to disarray
The dust to dust now to the wind
And blow the past away
Clean the slate and wash the board
Leave space for the next to play
To live and learn and experience
And write what comes their way
Plant flowered gems of passion now
To share until doomsday
For human heart and emotion
Can outlive deaths decay.

What was unwritten now to write
This final verse be played
This life of mine filled with such love
Only ink now could convey. -- this ties back to the first stanza nicely, serving as bookends.

I'd love to see you tidy this up as a kind of philosophical statement, there's certainly promise. A handy tip when you're using rhyme is to try and work in some meter as well, so that the rhymes fall where you want them to when they're spoken aloud. There are threads on meter in the Novice forum, which is handy not just for novices