Critique this maybe?

[just mercedes]

I liked the read, and the use of sensory stimulation made me see a cup of tea, steaming. The whole poem has a feel of truth to it, so I trust the poet's voice and believe what it tells me - but I became annoyed by the repeated 'perhaps' - then wondered what your poem would be like if I did away with all the qualifying...and wrote the same poem as a bold statement. I have probably shifted meanings in your poem, away from what you intended.

I just wanted to give you some idea of what you can do by removing words that add little to the poem but padding. I hope you don't feel I've been too critical; maybe you weren't looking for a close critique - in which case, please forgive me.


I am bitter like dark tea
steeped in a ceramic mug
spilling
unexpectedly.

I am bitter like dark tea
burning when sipped;
ritually repeated
nonetheless.

I am bitter like dark tea's
gritty leaves circling;
pollution
unnecessary.

I am bitter like dark tea
but no one knows;
diluted and sweetened,
I hope.