Before the Last Volcano Spits Us Out

[billy]

There's no emotion involved
in taking people apart,
just instinct, an unknown pressure
and a human eye
to skin all that wavers before it. would this work best as the 2nd stanza and the 2nd as the first? both of which are good stanza in their own right, i just think the 2nd is a lot more powerful an opening given the content.

Been skinning people
since I first saw bones protrude
from spines of almost innocent children. excellent lines

It's different when death gets on your hands,
soaks through your weak conscience
that has been pulped would it read better 'that has been' and have pulped start the next line?
by every hallowed mutt
that walked with enough flamboyance
for you to take notice.

We've become ingested by intelligence
and its unrelenting hunger:
it's when your heart beats
that couple of times more than usual
and your brain pisses
down your spine, and you think:
this is love,
this is true fucking hatred. really strong stanza, the brain lines are excellent.

We are not monogamous creatures
or herd or pack animals.
We get attached to people because
they are everywhere
and we like having us around. not sure this line is needed? it feels too extra

Men start growing this caged look behind their eyes this, or that caged look?
shortly after puberty opens its savage legs.
Women all start looking the same
with soft and hard dicks in their mouths
and the poor fucking kids are doomed
right from the beginning,
as were the many billions before them. many feels redundant

Love, hatred, jealousy, sodomy,
all products of an over-developed brain
and the primal instinct to procreate. not sure about the sodomy in connection to this line.

We are a swarm of locusts
in a very old, small town
and there's a banjo player who's been watching is 'and' needed?
since long before forever playing the same chord
with two notes,
these notes are in harmony:
creation, extinction
and we're all dancing to it
whether you are aware or not.

great read MrA. i never got the connection between it and the title but the poem does feel primordial. the images are excellent as is the way the stanzas play off each other as they change direction. most of my constructive feedback is nits. i just think a few tweaks would make this a worthy publishable poem

thanks for the read.