10-05-2012, 03:44 PM
A well-drawn vignette, billy, I definitely enjoyed this. Red and white colour motifs tie this together nicely, and of course there's the ever-present drink 
The alliteration is quite noticeable -- most of the time it works but occasionally it seems rather overdone, like "harder than hefting a pick haft" -- though I really like "piercing her primness led me to perdition".
I'll have a few more reads and come back when I've a little more time.

The alliteration is quite noticeable -- most of the time it works but occasionally it seems rather overdone, like "harder than hefting a pick haft" -- though I really like "piercing her primness led me to perdition".
I'll have a few more reads and come back when I've a little more time.
It could be worse
