10-03-2012, 09:10 AM
I agree. Not perfect, but still a smooth and very enjoyable read. i really got into it. "watery grave" was fine for me 
. There were a few lines that I think could be improved. "All of this and so much more", you could lose... it has no action and neither does it say much. "He took the last of golden eggs" is a bit awkward and forced... you'd be better off with 'he took the final golden egg' or something.
Thanks for sharing
. There were a few lines that I think could be improved. "All of this and so much more", you could lose... it has no action and neither does it say much. "He took the last of golden eggs" is a bit awkward and forced... you'd be better off with 'he took the final golden egg' or something. Thanks for sharing
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?