one trick

[Philatone]

hey lightbaron

some thoughts for you

used to hang my hat              
on what I thought              
were good stories              
now, far from sober              
but not that particular sick ...maybe "particular" should be "particularly"?             
I see a singular              
well-worn tale          
             
      a different city              
      another bad-write woman              
      me, asleep again on the floor              
               
all floors everywhere reach the same height...this line may show the speaker's habit of sleeping on floors; otherwise, i'm not convinced by the idea just yet              
               
still               ....by itself, this feels like it stalls the poem a bit too much
I am leading that same pony              
with lame knees ...who has the lame knees? the speaker or the horse?        
through towns where my credit's no good              
               
too broke               ...how about "too broke to buy even" on the same line, to give some wordplay on "broke"
to buy even the shadow of a dazzle              
               
too weak              
to shoot that poor horse              
                                              
I first learned the retroactive lesson                
when I heard my paintings cry              
laid to rest too long   ...again, not entirely sure who this is describing
dying              
but I loved them well enough              
to slam a four pound sledge    
through canvas    
sheetrock and security deposit

art is big enough              
to remove walls              
     
but life is not   ...this and the line below could be combined: "but life is too small..."
         
it's too small              
with its molehill desires             
making mountains of habit       ...not sure if you make the cliche new enough         
       
just steep enough              
to strip a gun from a man's hand              
               
making an old horse              
march on              
in misery..enjoyed the return to the horse, but in general i'm struggling a bit with the connections in the piece. I may just need some more reads

hope some of these notes are helpful