Nine Crows

[addy]

A really nice piece MrA... you used the imagery of birds to ominous effect, but framing it in the story in an almost literal way. It's an old trope written with a fresh perspective. Enjoyed it

I never told you about the vulture
that cut the sun in half the day we met; Great opening
its shadow paved my honest path
and I, with cracked feet and arid eyes,
blindly followed.

Did I mention the nine crows
that perch, sleep and dream of swimming this line is rather awkward and choppy. It might be overloaded
on the valley's ascending power-lines
with the deep hum of late night television
soothing through their toes?

I will tell your absent ears of the nights
spent picking blood from beneath my nails,
t-shirts drenched in the souls of innocents "drenched from innocent souls" sounds like it might flow better, but that's just a suggestion
granted what is granted by bottles? the souls? by empty bottles under boughs
of perched vultures
that are not willing to fly for me, again Again, the flow in this line is rather choppy for me. I think you could rewrite the phrasing somehow: "that will not fly"?? i'm sure you can think of a better alternative, however this is just a suggestion

and how the crows are always there.