Chrysalis

[Indie]

Hey LB I have to agree with Billy on this one regarding L1 and L2, at the moment it has a passive voice.

they say
put the pen down
euthanize it.
Never wrote right
anyhow, they sayhere I'd break it up a little, move "they say to the next line
it dries up
or spills
is unpredictable
and unreliable. IMO is punchier if you remove the "and"
Ain't worth its weight
in chewed up plastic
they say.
Sure
I'll admit
she's been funny
near troublesome.
Stays up late, drunken, unintelligible. drunk instead of drunken maybe
Stays in bed, hardly awakens for work again with the n ending
and only dots i's when it's convenient.
But
I am missing matches
and sandpaper
hear scratching
and smell sulfur.
If I didn't know no better
I would think she's becoming
a zipgun.

I like this one, a kind of introspective commentary. Hope this helps.

Peace, Indie