09-30-2012, 05:05 PM
This is a poem filled with beautiful fantasy images. It's a very sensory reading experience. Now I'd suggest working a bit more on your narrative. This poem feels a bit like it's constructed solely of images, an impression emphasised by the bullet point like sentences. Provide some kind of rudimentary narrative, like a first person narrator exploring these images, and you'll have a great poem on your hands. JMHO, of course. Thanks for the read
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe