09-28-2012, 09:49 PM
(09-19-2012, 04:56 PM)billy Wrote: Come in, take your hat offThis is a pantoum which would normally (though what is normal about buggering about with end rhymes to no good purpose
and hang that coat to dry.
Sit down beside the fire
let's talk of love in wine.
Now hang that coat to dry
pour yourself a vino.
Let's talk of love in wine
while rain berates the door.
Pour yourself a vino
then share your stories do,
while rain berates the door.
Good company I lack.
Please share your stories do,
and in turn I'll share mine.
Good company I lack.
I'm so grateful to you.
yes, in turn I'll share mine.
Sit down beside the fire,
Good company I lack.
Come in, take your hat off
) run in form to the bitter end without modification of the lines structure. Rigorous. You did not do that, you added little nuances and I believe this saved the piece from monotony. It personalised the piece and added to the MDMA-ness.Punctuation in this form is probably another area where you chose to personalise

Overall, a really nice friendly poem. Very out of character

