Canvas of the Night

[elliottsmith]

Canvas of the night,
journey of the wise. wise who or what?
Lover of the arts in spite
of the moons symbolic rise.
Leave conscious thought behind
weave hidden creativity. (it's hard to do when you're in a coma )
Visions of a world designed
by the soul’s proclivity. what does this mean? a lot of what is mentioned here are intangibles. things that can't be quantified, (love is an intangible)

Embrace the demons stuck below
desperate to escape.
Think thoughts you’ll never show;
inside yourself it’s safe.
Journey to the golden shores
the land of childish wonder.
There’s hidden knowledge through the doors,
the most glorious of plunders. this reads much better, though L4 is redundant.

Entrench yourself within the night,
perform the dreamers coup. i like this line, i think most people have dreamt of a coup, i have (or at least thought of one)
Infinite control and might;
a god without the pews.
Riders on the ancient storm
get behind the wheel.
Construct the perfect art form
attack the night with zeal.


This poem isn't finished yet, I'm going to add one more stanza. I'd like to get some opinions on it right now though.

3 of the last 4 lines are pure cliche they do need working on. the poem itself feels it's saying the same thing over and over. i think it needs more structure, a natural progression of the dream state. try and keep it changing

thanks for the read.

Proclivity means natural inclination. I agree the last 4 lines aren't so good.


In the first stanza I was trying to convey how a dream can be something of a work of art (IMO). In the second stanza I was trying to show how dreams are expressions of who you are (both good and bad).

I wrote the last stanza about lucid dreaming, the "coup" was taking control of a dream from your sub-conscious. Being able to do whatever you'd like within a dream, with no limits.