09-26-2012, 02:50 PM
I enjoyed the read a lot 
. Love the narrative voice. i think billy covered the bases with his critique... "But" hangs oddly because it isn't normally a standalone thing, but a break would help that. Also, I think there are one-too-many "they says' (just one 
... overall they work well) but again, italicizing it could help.
Thanks for sharing
. Love the narrative voice. i think billy covered the bases with his critique... "But" hangs oddly because it isn't normally a standalone thing, but a break would help that. Also, I think there are one-too-many "they says' (just one ... overall they work well) but again, italicizing it could help. Thanks for sharing
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?