09-17-2012, 08:48 AM
(09-13-2012, 06:41 PM)billy Wrote: Ever been on a crossGood poem Bilbo
country walk with pig shite
slapping you round
like an old punchy boxer
you lift a farm gate
instantly you're carried
two miles over meadows
wild flowers and rape Did you mean to leave "rape" on its own here, or were you just trying to preserve a symmetrical line length? I ask because I'm not sure if the effect this line creates is intentional or not. It made me slow down while reading to stop and consider it, making sure you didn't mean rape as in the crime.
seeded carpets irrigated
by shallow rills criss-crossing
open veins bleeding out
a not unpleasant stench
flies from a sloppy sty
perfume of pig pleasantly pastes
its Eau de toilette on the sinus
a slight heady spell signals
the onslaught of choke
gag reflex kicks in
as throat expands
expelling mushy bits of carrot
peas and cabbage you had for dinner
the countryside
the porkers arse "Porker's".
what a grand experience.
I like how it creates a rushing series of gross images, so the reader's senses almost respond to it.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe

