Demons

[billy]

hi ff,
on the first read i saw that everything was done in couplets. why not use that to make each one stand out separately by having a space between each one? if you removed 'the from the beginning of each sentence, each sentence would become more powerful.

The demons are feeding,
they gnaw upon my soul.
The demons hide within me
they have complete control.
The demons will not leave me
they torture me with fear.
The demons have no faces,
but I know that they are here.
The demons paw my scars,
the marks of hate they made
The cuts and lacerations,
slit by Satan’s blade. this section makes it an obvious cutter poem and in doing so takes something away from the poem as a whole
The demons fire my hatred,
my evil bile they spill.
The demons splash my anger,
poisoning my will.
The demons taunt and mock me,
they tear me from my sleep.
The demons they will kill me, try 'want to' instead of 'they will'
my demons I must keep.

the last line feels a bit to obvious and because of that it's weak. you could end on the line above and that would leave the reader hanging for the next line but it won't be there. (have the demons succeeded, why isn't it finished) you'll have set up a bit of interaction by allowing them into the piece in order to work out what the ending is. (just a suggestion of course)
some will call it a list poem and in some ways it is but being a list poem doesn't mean it's bad. i think this is a good attempt. the cut and blade concepts are pretty cliche so i'd suggest redoing them or just removing them.

good effort.

thanks for the read.