09-12-2012, 01:56 AM
"The demons paw my scars,
the marks of hate they made
The cuts and lacerations,
slit by Satan’s blade."
and,
"my demons I must keep."
Are what seem kind of forced....The intention of the last line is understandable. Just the sentence form is a little distracting, though it does have a ring of hysteria and obsession that comes through nicely.
You can look at those parts more thoroughly if you want, and see if any of your ideas about them change.
the marks of hate they made
The cuts and lacerations,
slit by Satan’s blade."
and,
"my demons I must keep."
Are what seem kind of forced....The intention of the last line is understandable. Just the sentence form is a little distracting, though it does have a ring of hysteria and obsession that comes through nicely.
You can look at those parts more thoroughly if you want, and see if any of your ideas about them change.