09-11-2012, 02:36 PM
his children are the hungrier by their lives.
was the line i struggled with, i read it more than once to get it to work in order for me to carry on.
i get the feeling of a soldier's tale. i like the use of metaphor to depict how it was, (winter of our discontent though i like yours better, though both winters are wars.)
i think the question marks need sorting out on lines 8,9,10.
other than that, i think you did a good job on it tom.
was the line i struggled with, i read it more than once to get it to work in order for me to carry on.
i get the feeling of a soldier's tale. i like the use of metaphor to depict how it was, (winter of our discontent though i like yours better, though both winters are wars.)
i think the question marks need sorting out on lines 8,9,10.
other than that, i think you did a good job on it tom.