(09-10-2012, 10:45 PM)Mark Wrote: Sober Phobiawhat an enjoyable read. some good solid vignettes i have no constructive feedback apart from suggesting some italics in places to make a few things pop a bit better. you have originality of thoughts and image and it reads really well. i like that it seems a normal occurrence for her. she plops down at.... it's like how unnatural is it to be sitting in hell.
I
They don't give you a chip
for being a fucking drunk
no matter how long
your streak has lasted.
II
The common chaos of elves dancing
and bouncing off walls
required a bracer.
Damn the law
and a dry day with three kids
that make way, great enjambment
way too much noise.
A false hope springs
from the quiet of the car ride,
but by mid-morning she curses its memory.
The children have ascended
into chutes and waterslides-
into heaven really, but she plops down
at a picnic table
in Hell.
III
All the negatives clump
together like clinging bits
on a magnet-
glaring at the hopeful others.
No one complains
of the heat
or the noise.
Jason takes pills for his back.
Jenna is bi-polar and pro-Xanax.
Someone toddles up to ask for more sunscreen
. . . familiar little guy.
IV
The heat is worse
with a dry mouth
and when your head is busting
from the late night
and the bright day.
V
The engine and the road
threaten to drag her under.
The chaos helps-
for once.
Teeth marks
in her tongue
are for strength.
VI
Everyone accounted for-
Almost.
Someone is touching someone.
Barely pays attention
to whom she struck.
A cupboard, a glass;
a freezer, a bottle-
a searing epiphany
that this is the only time
she feels alive.
i'm impressed mark.
great read, thanks.
ps, i think it's worthy of being published
