Nervous Cough

[billy]

I’ve formed a nervous cough
From some neurotic things that float inside,
And I’ve been digging through my unconscious
Trying to make it stop.

There’s a nervous thought stuck in my throat,
I’ve no hope of clearing out.
Even if I dry heave until I gag
I’m only stirring dead fish in an invisible pond.

I think it’s a puddle with nothing in it,
That it’s the hope itself being gone.
Now that it can’t even see its reflection,
It feels it isn’t there, never was.

While there might be an infinite world beneath the surface,
Without a hope in Hell, what does it matter?
Someone’s invisible fish and talking wounds:
A whole sea life beyond my persona.

If I can’t talk about it, I’m just going to cough.
Repress the fantastical visions until they’re dead.
But it was a fit for survival among the angels
That led the mammal to its first word.

i really enjoyed the poem. it's contradictory in places
but i think that only add to piece. it has a sense of fear about it, fear of self. when things are hammering to come out but you bite your tongue...well that not it. it's more like a fear of not being noticed. no nits though i thought the last two lines spoiled it a little for being trite. i'm not sure they have any relevance to the rest of the poem which i found to be personal and strong.

thanks for the read.