Numb

[billy]

In starry circles elevated
at Olympian floors
we have hyperventilated
on excursionary tours,
beheld our images dilated
in mementoes and encores
as we bathed intoxicated
behind visionary doors.
All things become outdated
given time enough, of course,
and my feet drag to the drum
now that I am numb.

With a fluency of language
(unintelligible babble)
I spoke ecstasy and anguish
to the comprehending rabble.
I could reconstruct the damaged
carried to me from the battle
and deconstruct their baggage,
hoist them back into the saddle.
But the eloquence has vanished
and the road is too well travelled;
shellshock has struck me dumb
now that I am numb.

I played the part of Casanova
when I still possessed charisma,
with a hand up your pullover
and an eye upon my finger
as it fastened to your shoulder,
as it waited for the whisper
that implored me to be bolder.
Ah, the blood is running winter
and the bones are broken colder
as I dither and malinger
in the fear that I can’t come
now that I am numb.

i think a constant meter would help the poem, the last stanza feels much more substantive the the 1st and 2nd. and i think that's helped out by the meter, barring the 1st and last line of it. though it does feel feels a bit too coy.

while meter is a problem, i also think it tries too hard to be a poem. (the 1st and 2nd verse) it's sort of evading what it needs to say. i'm not sure the refrain helps that much because i'm lost too much in the first two verse to take notice of it as a refrain. there are some decent images and lines in there but they felt like separate entities that needed direction.

thanks for the read as always ray.