(09-06-2012, 12:54 AM)rowens Wrote: Sounds like an opening to me, of a poem that could be expanded on. Unless it's true to its name. I like how the first and last lines of each stanza correspond with each other, though I might not be popular associating melting and muck.---But there's so many crazy French and Italian sounding poetic forms floating around here, this might be one of those.it was just a fancy really though i like the idea of expanding it.
as for the melting much, have you ever had the runs
it may be a couple of quatrains almost but the meter isn't up to much per say for that. thanks for the feedback....i do like the idea that the poem stopped because of the title
(09-06-2012, 01:09 AM)Heslopian Wrote: The first verse is better than the second. The atlas image is intriguing and it's capped perfectly by a funny joke. The second verse feels a bit more bland. I'd recommend switching the order or deleting that verse altogether. JMHO of course. Thanks for the readthanks for the comment jack.
i can't see a prob in reversing the stanza. i'm against deleting the last one if only because it really would look apathetic