Swimming in the Dordogne

[tectak]

You know, I'm not even going to hassle you about inverted syntax -- this is the kind of poem it works in, with the images twisting around very nicely and the structure of the poem itself mirroring the ebb and flow of the waters. Holidays do wonders for your writing!

At old Limeuil the Vezaire`s swell cold-shoulders the Dordogne,
enough to force a confluence where two old rivers join.
The long cast heat from promised sun clears mists and midge in flight ;
and hirondelle from honeyed arch, erupt into the light. -- why the comma?
From shingled shores stout eucalypts, their sweet oiled breath exhale
and heavy lies the vapor on the Dordogne`s twisting trail. -- why the American spelling of vapour? :p
She steps into the silky flow, on stones of warm goose eggs,
each algae-skinned in soft cat`s ears. Cool water shivers legs
and tendrilled, stretched, green tresses lightly brush on dappled loins;
Languidly she lowers itself... and swims in the Dordogne. -- this is the only line I lose your superb meter on, as "languidly" begins on a hard stress and the rest of the lines are soft. My choice would be to stick in an "as", "so" or "and" to start the line.

tectak
Limeuil, France 2012

Thanks Leanne. This was written in situ and it was hot. It was to be longer but a beer called and I lost the moment. That comma. Why is it there? Well, in the witty reply by the gritty Ms. Greer when asked why she had no children......I thought about it.
Vapour is a typo as was "lowers itself" instead of herself.
The rest is history. Re. the syntax inverted. I neither avoid it nor espouse it. If the piece can take it I use it. Too much, though, is too much.
Best,
tectak

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Apart from how most would prefer shorter lines and a more vertical pace, I do enjoy plump little poems with images like this, that have a thick feel, and very subtle movement. Personally I don't pay much attention to rhyme. I like images to creep over my skin more than to soar on musical heights. Sometimes and sometimes not. I even like the "she lowers itself", but I need to read this again later. Then maybe I can say some more.

1

Thanks for your courtesy. I like rhyme in rhyming verse but not in prose! Sorry to disavow you of "she lowers itself" It was a typo.
I wanted to make more of this but it was written in real time and I got called away by a cold beer. I may have another go at it but not if the crits say enough is enough. I don't kow tow but consensus is a powerful thing
Best,
tectak