Swimming in the Dordogne

[Leanne]

You know, I'm not even going to hassle you about inverted syntax -- this is the kind of poem it works in, with the images twisting around very nicely and the structure of the poem itself mirroring the ebb and flow of the waters. Holidays do wonders for your writing!

At old Limeuil the Vezaire`s swell cold-shoulders the Dordogne,
enough to force a confluence where two old rivers join.
The long cast heat from promised sun clears mists and midge in flight ;
and hirondelle from honeyed arch, erupt into the light. -- why the comma?
From shingled shores stout eucalypts, their sweet oiled breath exhale
and heavy lies the vapor on the Dordogne`s twisting trail. -- why the American spelling of vapour? :p
She steps into the silky flow, on stones of warm goose eggs,
each algae-skinned in soft cat`s ears. Cool water shivers legs
and tendrilled, stretched, green tresses lightly brush on dappled loins;
Languidly she lowers itself... and swims in the Dordogne. -- this is the only line I lose your superb meter on, as "languidly" begins on a hard stress and the rest of the lines are soft. My choice would be to stick in an "as", "so" or "and" to start the line.

tectak
Limeuil, France 2012