08-29-2012, 04:11 PM
we're getting a couple of these off you lately 
i like the use of cloud as seasonal.
don't force yourself into the 5,7,5 you did 6 on the 2nd line and thats good,
the 1st line feels like there's 6 syls because of the semi colon and make a pause inside the line.
would adding above to the end of the 2nd line help the continuity (if you can use 6 syls there's now reason you can't use 8, and of course 3 in the first is okay too )
i really like it. and the haiku is okay as well
i like the use of cloud as seasonal.
don't force yourself into the 5,7,5 you did 6 on the 2nd line and thats good,
the 1st line feels like there's 6 syls because of the semi colon and make a pause inside the line.
would adding above to the end of the 2nd line help the continuity (if you can use 6 syls there's now reason you can't use 8, and of course 3 in the first is okay too )
i really like it. and the haiku is okay as well