did you mean purposed on L3 of the 2nd stanza?
check the spelling of coffin.
perhaps use some grammar or split the line where a comma should be. L1 and 3 are just 2 of the lines where it happens.
you have some great images at play. the opening line is very strong.
it and the rest of the stanza remind of of a metaphorical hanging.
it has a sociopathic feel to it, lot's of intangible words that could be substituted with an image or two.
all in all a good poem that needs a bit of a trim.
great to see you posting your stuff mongo, if you can try and leave a bit of feedback on other peoples stuff
i forgot to say that the feeling of being trapped is palpable and works well with the title.
thanks for the read.
check the spelling of coffin.
perhaps use some grammar or split the line where a comma should be. L1 and 3 are just 2 of the lines where it happens.
you have some great images at play. the opening line is very strong.
it and the rest of the stanza remind of of a metaphorical hanging.
it has a sociopathic feel to it, lot's of intangible words that could be substituted with an image or two.
all in all a good poem that needs a bit of a trim.
great to see you posting your stuff mongo, if you can try and leave a bit of feedback on other peoples stuff
i forgot to say that the feeling of being trapped is palpable and works well with the title.
thanks for the read.