08-26-2012, 02:50 AM
this is simply my take on poetry, i don't know how valuable it is in other feedbacks, and my take can be criticized too. 'fusion' is a good description. poems exist on a spiritscape that functions like an organism. sometimes poems cough, and jerk off, and die on the page. right? and there's the 'writing', and the 'intention', and they fuse into one spiritual organism.
i usually don't want my poems to run smoothly, but this one i did, so i offered it for criticism.
the speaker is a child, but it's a child that is a woman getting older, a world getting older, a civilization, a culture, a perception getting older. clinging, like a child, to its seasonal cycles, its holiday flavors. but we're looking at not simply each season passing, but all the seasons lumped together into different paradigms, and these paradigms themselves passing.
the criticism of the 'writing' seems right. and the 'intention' is this: the child is spirit; but as an organism, it thinks like an organism that can think. it babbles, "i whine, and cry". it gets testy and haughty, "but I can understand well enough". and it even tries to sound more sophisticated than itself, by saying "like a child" at the beginning, when of course it is a child. as for the ending, an 'intention' you're still welcome to criticize, it speeds up, it gets harshly matter of fact, and then it breaks down like the simple, lonely child it is, and pouts, "and you won't come to play with me."
i usually don't want my poems to run smoothly, but this one i did, so i offered it for criticism.
the speaker is a child, but it's a child that is a woman getting older, a world getting older, a civilization, a culture, a perception getting older. clinging, like a child, to its seasonal cycles, its holiday flavors. but we're looking at not simply each season passing, but all the seasons lumped together into different paradigms, and these paradigms themselves passing.
the criticism of the 'writing' seems right. and the 'intention' is this: the child is spirit; but as an organism, it thinks like an organism that can think. it babbles, "i whine, and cry". it gets testy and haughty, "but I can understand well enough". and it even tries to sound more sophisticated than itself, by saying "like a child" at the beginning, when of course it is a child. as for the ending, an 'intention' you're still welcome to criticize, it speeds up, it gets harshly matter of fact, and then it breaks down like the simple, lonely child it is, and pouts, "and you won't come to play with me."